To fully get in the mood for the coming hot Texans takes, you're going to need to go back to 2001. To a place of angst, sadness, and alternative metal post-grunge. STAIN[d] YOURSELF.

But I'm going to change the lyrics up for you:

"It's been a while . . . since I could . . . trust the Texans offensive line to not be an accomplice to QB murder!"

"It's been a while . . . since they had Duane Brown."

Songwriter Aaron Lewis said that this song was about addiction and failed relationships. That it's an acknowledgement of the past. And considering the Texans have had a plus starter at left tackle for just 1 of the last 33 games they've played, this song really hits home.

• They've got an addiction to trying young linemen out at multiple positions from the get go, usually confusing them
• And they've been through failed relationships with Brandon Brooks and Duane Brown, who have thrived in Philly and Seattle respectively

• Left tackle: Roderick Johnson
• Left guard: Tytus Howard
• Center: Zach Fulton
• Right guard: Max Scharping
• Right tackle

And the results of this unit? On the Texans first drive of the season featuring both Deshaun Watson and DeAndre Hopkins? Well . . .

. . . It looked good! Deshaun had plenty of time, and led the Texans on an easy 11 play, 75 yard touchdown drive that ended with a 4 yard touchdown pass to Hopkins.

I don't know much about Roderick Johnson, and he was only out there for one drive. But based off what I saw Saturday (against a very vanilla Lions defense without its best player: Trey Flowers), and what I've heard from some ex-player colleagues of mine, he's looked better than Matt Kalil this off-season. That said, after the game Texans head coach Bill O'Brien said that Kalil "is the starting left tackle" AND that Kalil will play next week.

Even more unfortunately:

Football coaches are notorious for being misleading and vague, if not outright lying. And Bill O'Brien has been no different. Take the way that he handled Deshaun Watson his rookie season, constantly declaring Tom Savage the team's starting quarterback until just one half of football had been played in 2017. I'm hoping that O'Brien is doing that again, because Kalil sure as hell hasn't looked likesomeone who should be trusted with defending Deshaun Watson's blind side.

[Also, for the love of Tom Brady, please trade for Trent Williams. He will never play another down for the Redskins because they have an incompetent training staff and misdiagnosed a tumor that he had on his head. McClain was probably told by someone in the organization that there's no interest in him on the Texans front, and if that's true, that's simply dumb.]

My other thoughts on Texans - Lions . . .

PLEASE DON'T GET HURT, THANK YOU.

Seeing actual starters playing in the preseason is just a LITTLE traumatizing. The games are meaningless, and even though I enjoy seeing them on the field, I'd MUCH prefer that none of them you know, die.

The Good:

Paul Gallant hosts the "Gallant Says" podcast (Tuesdays & Fridays), "Just Sayin'", Friday nights at 10:30 on Kube 57, and contributes to SB Nation Radio. Have any questions? Get after him on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook.