Fair-Weather Fans?

A view of Houston fans from a non-native Houstonian

A view of Houston fans from a non-native Houstonian
Texans fans have had it rough over the years. Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images

I moved to Houston a few years ago to pursue my lifelong dream of rotting away in a cubicle and getting stuck in rush-hour traffic. If only I knew about the wonderful tsunami-esque rain that Houston received, I would have relocated years ago. I mean, who doesn’t want it to be 95 degrees and sunny when they are knee-deep in water and sewage run-off. Speaking of sewage run-off, let’s talk about our good ol’ Houston sports teams. 

Not the teams, specifically, but the Houston fair-weather fans that I have come to know ... and hate.

Houston Astros fans

The days of the “Killer B’s” are over, but the Astros have some of the best talent in the American League. I have been to a few games down at Minute Maid, and one thing is for certain, the fans suck. First, Houston is closing in on the third-largest city in the country, and to see empty sections in rivalry games is extremely depressing. Altuve and Correa are all-stars, and the starting pitching is coming around. Show some frickin’ support for your team. 

I should never be able to sneak down to the third baseline in the fourth inning because you didn’t want to miss the turtle races at Little Woodrow’s. I’ve seen the Skeeters fill a stadium better than the Astros. Out of all the major sports teams of Houston, this one has the best chance at winning a championship, so show them the support they deserve.

Houston Rockets fans

On a more positive note, I feel Houston Rockets fans are a lot more optimistic and dedicated to their team. Harden is on a tear like no other right now, and with the support of Gordon, Anderson, Capella and the rest, the future is looking bright for the Rockets. My issue is that fans keep pushing for Harden for MVP rather than addressing the needs of the team. 

Harden may be the best player in the league this year and for the foreseeable future, but that won’t win the Rockets a championship. No one remembers that Steph Curry was MVP last year, they just remember his face when the Cavs came back from 3-1 in the finals. So, stop campaigning the NBA for Harden to win the Podoloff Trophy and start campaigning Daryl Morey to pick up a legit rim protector. The Rockets should be contenders in the West for several years to come.

Houston Texans fans

Finally, I saved the worst for last. I pity you. Yes, you! The guy with the Texans car magnet/hitch protector combo on his jacked up, low self-esteem truck. You know who you are. 

August rolls around and you tell your co-workers and unwilling listeners that “This is the Texans 'year.” How “we” will fix the QB situation, and with J.J.’s return, “our” defense will be comparable to the ’85 Bears.  October comes, the QB sucks more than a Dyson, and the defense is banged up, yet you still tell Jim in accounting not to worry, “they” will turn it around. December finally hits and you wake up from your depressed stupor, contemplating starting an angry mob, calling for Bill to be executed on Discovery Green, and experiencing the same deja vu you have had for the last 15 years. 

But I have some words of encouragement for you: the Texans are a damn good team. They are a QB, interior O-lineman, head coach, and GM away from a championship. Keep your head up fictional fan. Good times are ahead.

This all being said; Houston’s sports future is looking on the bright side. You could be a NY or LA fan and struggle through the next decade of rebuilding years. So, stop complaining and go support your team.

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Originally appeared on houstonsportsandstuff.com.

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Dana Brown has a tough task at hand. Composite Getty Image.

If the Astros were going to win one series and lose the other on their six-game road trip out of the All-Star break, they got it right in taking two out of three games at Seattle then losing two out of three to lousy Oakland. Had they inverted those results, the Astros would not be alone atop the American League West starting this weekend’s series against the Dodgers at Minute Maid Park.

By the schedule the Astros’ sledding now gets tougher. The Dodgers are rolling toward their 11th National League West crown in 12 years, despite their pitching staff having been battered by injuries every bit as much as the Astros’. The Astros will face three rookie starters this weekend. National League Rookie of the Year candidate (non-Paul Skenes division) Gavin Stone goes Friday. Saturday it’s Justin Wrobleski making his fourth big league start, Sunday River Ryan makes his second. 325 million dollar addition Yoshinobu Yamamoto last pitched June 15. Tony Gonsolin is out for the year without throwing a pitch. Clayton Kershaw’s first pitch Thursday marks the first of his season. Tyler Glasnow’s Wednesday return from the Injured List means the Astros won’t face him this weekend.

Aside: Astros’ fan favorite Joe Kelly is back in the Dodgers’ bullpen. He was activated from the IL out of the break, so the opportunity to welcome him back to Minute Maid Park looms!

After the Dodgers, the Pirates hit town with Skenes slated to pitch Monday opposite Jake Bloss. Gulp. Hey, in one game, you never know. Skenes has been the most electric rookie pitcher since Dwight Gooden with the Mets in 1984.

Sleepless in Seattle

The Mariners’ unraveling has reached historic proportions. It’s not easy losing six straight matchups with the lowly Angels but the Mariners were down to the challenge and pulled it off. The M’s have stumble-bummed their way to a 9-20 record over their last 29 games. That’s actually a better winning percentage than the Astros’ had after staggering from the starting gate to a 7-19 mark. Like the Astros did, the Mariners can right their ship, though if they don’t add quality offense before Tuesday’s trade deadline it seems unlikely. Seattle has scored more than two runs in one of its last eight games, the only win among those eight when the Mariners got to Ronel Blanco and Seth Martinez Sunday to avoid an Astros’ sweep. Meanwhile, the Texas Rangers whipping up on the laughingstock Chicago White Sox this week has their World Series title defense very much alive and a threat to overtake both the Astros and Mariners.

The trade deadline is this Tuesday

Tick-tock toward Tuesday’s 5PM Central Time trade deadline. General Manager Dana Brown is on the clock. Let’s start with starting pitchers. Tarik Skubal! Garrett Crochet! Jack Flaherty! Any would be a fabulous addition. If Brown acquires one, he will have done phenomenal work cajoling the trade partner into thinking the Astros’ offer the best. Frankly it seems impossible. The Orioles are in the starting pitcher market. Their farm system runs laps around what the Astros have. Numerous other teams on the hunt for pitching have higher rated minor league talent. The Triple-A Sugar Land Space Cowboys are having a fabulous season, but until the Astros Thursday moved up soon to be 24-year-old Jacob Melton (who was batting just .248 with a .307 on-base percentage at Double-A Corpus Christi) there was not one non-pitcher of any consequence younger than 25 on the roster. Pedro Leon, Shay Whitcomb, Will Wagner, and include Joey Loperfido: it would be shocking if any of them can be the best player in an offer good enough to land one of the potential big trade fish. All four of them wouldn’t be enough to land a Skubal or Crochet.

On the hitter side, if the Blue Jays shop Vlad Jr. and/or the Rays take offers for Paredes, of course Brown better try. Either would be a sharp upgrade over Jon Singleton, and Guerrero can’t become a free agent until after next season, with Paredes under team control through 2027. Reality check time. Seattle’s offense is in dire straits. The Mariners have four prospects rated higher than any Astros’ prospect. If the Mariners didn’t make a winning offer over what the Astros proposed, Seattle GM Jerry Dipoto would look like a timid clown.

That said, there will be several second and third tier starters and relievers moved who would boost the Astros. If Spencer Arrighetti and Jake Bloss are both still in the Astros’ starting rotation after the deadline, Dana Brown will have failed. That said, the Astros could well stand pat and win the Mild, Mild West. They could also finish third.

Go for the gold!

With the Olympics underway, a medal podium-style ranking of the Astros’ greatest trade deadline acquisitions:

No medal but cannot be omitted: Randy Johnson. It was a brief fling with “The Big Unit” in 1998 but it was spectacular. It elevated Houston as a baseball city. In 11 regular season starts Johnson went 10-1 with a 1.28 earned run average. He threw shutouts in his first four Astrodome starts. He spiked attendance like no other player in franchise history. Even though the San Diego Padres beat Johnson twice (Johnson pitched fine, the Astros scored two runs total in the two games) and bounced the Astros in a National League Division Series, and prospects Freddy Garcia and Carlos Guillen included in the deal both went on to have excellent careers, it was a trade that in hindsight you make 100 times out of 100.

Bronze: Jeff Bagwell. Reliever Larry Andersen was outstanding in helping the Boston Red Sox win the AL East in 1990, but the BoSox got swept in the ALCS and Andersen left as a free agent. Bagwell has the greatest offensive resume in Astros’ history (I know, I know, postseason aside) and is quite arguably one of the 10 greatest first basemen of all-time.

Silver: Yordan Alvarez. He has longevity to prove but to this point in his career, while not the all-around player Bagwell was, Yordan is clearly the more destructive force in the batter’s box. Throw in his three monstrously significant home runs in the 2022 Astros’ title run, and his awesome 2023 postseason, and what could still lie ahead for him and the Gold could be his if we revisit this topic 10 years from now. Imagine the Dodgers if they hadn’t gifted Yordan to the Astros for Josh Fields.

Gold: Justin Verlander. Astros’ World Series championships pre-JV, zero. With him, two. Even though his World Series resume is terrible. The finishing piece to the Astros’ initial championship winner in 2017 with a 1.06 ERA in five starts ahead of winning the 2017 ALCS MVP, a second crown in 2022, two Cy Young Awards and a Cy runner-up. Interesting decision to make for the cap on his Hall of Fame plaque. Much more body of work with the Tigers but the championships and legend cemented with the Astros.

*Catch our weekly Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast. Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and I discuss varied Astros topics. The first post for the week generally goes up Monday afternoon (second part released Tuesday) via The SportsMap HOU YouTube channel or listen to episodes in their entirety at Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

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