TV ALTERNATIVES
We've seen this episode of the Super Bowl before - Here's what else TV has to offer on Super Bowl Sunday
Stephen Uzick
Jan 26, 2018, 7:06 am
We all know how this Super Bowl ends. New England Patriots website
Raise your hand if this Super Bowl (can I say that here? Or do I have to say “Big Game?”) match up just doesn’t do it for you. Mine is up, actually both hands are – are yours? My guess is that they are.
People love to say that millennials are killing everything. Well as a millennial I can tell you that the Patriots are killing the Super Bowl. Last year the Patriots presence killed my interest in the game from a football perspective, but I watched because I wanted to see our city shine. This year, though, there is nothing to connect me to the game. Usually I am down to watch football no matter who is playing, but the Patriots just suck the fun out of it. Watching a Super Bowl with the Patriots is like watching a show in syndication. While I would love to be wrong, I am confident I already know the storyline. It's the same one that has been repeated in 71% of the Super Bowls the Patriots have played in with Brady and Belichick, and in 100% of the ones where the Patriots play anyone other than the New York Giants. In case you forgot it goes something like this:
Patriots get down early
Patriots gradually climb back in the game
Clock gets late in the game, opponent is still leading, you think “The Patriots might actually lose.”
Opponent makes bone-headed move
Patriots make incredible play
Patriots score go-ahead points with 2 minutes or less remaining
You feel like an idiot for actually thinking the other team might win
I can’t be the only one who has grown tired of this script right? I mean if I want to watch something where I know the evil empire is going to score a victory I may as well just watch The Empire Strikes Back for the 387th time. At least there are lightsabers and lasers in that. So with my interest being at an all time low, I began to wonder what else I could watch during the Super Bowl. Can the rest of TV provide anything more compelling? Here is what else is on during the Super Bowl:
NCIS, NCIS New Orleans, NCIS Los Angeles (CBS) – It’s an around the country NCIS marathon. I really know nothing about this show, but know it has been on forever and has spinoffs in pretty much every city. I am pretty sure it is based on some government law-enforcement agency, but I have never heard of the NCIS outside of this show. Why is that? Regardless, I’m sure even NCIS Salt Lake City is more interesting than the Super Bowl will be.
The Simpsons (Fox) – Usually a solid 30 minutes of entertainment. I admittedly have not watched in years, but when I did the writers always seemed to keep it fresh - something the AFC has been incapable of.
Animals With Cameras (PBS) – Just the title alone is enough to capture my interest. How do these animals acquire the cameras? Is this the beginning of the primate uprising?
Puppy Bowl XI (Animal Planet) – Always a solid choice during the Super Bowl. I bet this gets much better ratings than you’d think. I smell an Animals With Cameras cross-over episode opportunity.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo) – You want drama, you want un-predictable, you want aggression, and you want rich people whining? Forget the NFL – this is your show.
Death Row Stories marathon (CNN) – Another show whose title draws you in. Probably not as fun as Animals with Cameras but I bet it sucks you in nonetheless.
Chappelle’s Show marathon (Comedy Central) – Of all the counter Super Bowl programming this may be the winner. I could watch this over the Super Bowl without a twinge of regret.
30 for 30 (ESPN) – “The U” episode. This was one of my favorite 30 for 30s, plus the promo song they ran with it was stuck in my head for months. I bet no less than five times you say “Oh yeah, I forgot he went to Miami.” I may actually DVR this to watch it again.
Jersey Shore marathon (MTV) – If Gronk isn’t playing you can always watch this to get your Gronk fix.
Air Disasters (Smithsonian) – If you never plan to fly again you may think about checking this out.
Law and Order SVU marathon (USA) – Always a go-to when there is nothing else on. Law and Order is one of those few shows that you can watch for days on end even if you have seen every episode four times. Since it does not appear there will be a new episode of the Super Bowl until Tom Brady retires you should probably just make Law and Order your rerun of choice on Super Bowl Sunday.
*Who am I kidding - I’ll probably watch, if for no other reason than it gives me an excuse to eat all the delicious crap people serve on Super Bowl Sunday.
Most Popular
SportsMap Emails
Are Awesome
Listen Live
After finishing up with the Guardians the Astros have a rather important series for early May with the Seattle Mariners heading to town for the weekend. While it’s still too early to be an absolute must-win series for the Astros, losing the series to drop seven or eight games off the division lead would make successfully defending their American League West title that much more unlikely.
Since their own stumble out of the gate to a 6-10 record the Mariners have been racking up series wins, including one this week over the Atlanta Braves. The M’s offense is largely Mmm Mmm Bad, but their pitching is sensational. In 18 games after a 4-8 start, the Mariners gave up five runs in a game once. In the other 17 games they only gave up four runs once. Over the 18 games their starting pitchers gave up 18 earned runs total with a 1.44 earned run average. That’s absurd. Coming into the season Seattle’s starting rotation was clearly better on paper than those of the Astros and Texas Rangers, and it has crystal clearly played out as such into the second month of the schedule.
While it’s natural to focus on and fret over one’s own team's woes when they are plentiful as they have been for the Astros, a reminder that not all grass is greener elsewhere. Alex Bregman has been awful so far. So has young Mariners’ superstar Julio Rodriguez. A meager four extra base hits over his first 30 games were all Julio produced down at the ballyard. That the Mariners are well ahead of the Astros with J-Rod significantly underperforming is good news for Seattle.
Caratini comes through!
So it turns out the Astros are allowed to have a Puerto Rican-born catcher who can hit a little bit. Victor Caratini’s pedigree is not that of a quality offensive player, but he has swung the bat well thus far in his limited playing time and provided the most exciting moment of the Astros’ season with his two-out two-run 10th inning game winning home run Tuesday night. I grant that one could certainly say “Hey! Ronel Blanco finishing off his no-hitter has been the most exciting moment.” I opt for the suddenness of Caratini’s blow turning near defeat into instant victory for a team that has been lousy overall to this point. Frittering away a game the Astros had led 8-3 would have been another blow. Instead, to the Victor belong the spoils.
Pudge Rodriguez is the greatest native Puerto Rican catcher, but he was no longer a good hitter when with the Astros for the majority of the 2009 season. Then there’s Martin Maldonado.
Maldonado’s hitting stats with the Astros look Mike Piazza-ian compared to what Jose Abreu was doing this season. Finally, mercifully for all, Abreu is off the roster as he accepts a stint at rookie-level ball in Florida to see if he can perform baseball-CPR on his swing and career. Until or unless he proves otherwise, Abreu is washed up and at some point the Astros will have to accept it and swallow whatever is left on his contract that runs through next season. For now Abreu makes over $120,000 per game to not be on the roster. At his level of performance, that’s a better deal than paying him that money to be on the roster.
Abreu’s seven hits in 71 at bats for an .099 batting average with a .269 OPS is a humiliating stat line. In 2018 George Springer went to sleep the night of June 13 batting .293 after going hitless in his last four at bats in a 13-5 Astros’ win over Oakland. At the time no one could have ever envisioned that Springer had started a deep, deep funk which would have him endure a nightmarish six for 78 stretch at the plate (.077 batting average). Springer then hit .293 the rest of the season.
Abreu’s exile opened the door for Joey Loperfido to begin his Major League career. Very cool for Loperfido to smack a two-run single in his first game. He also struck out twice. Loperfido will amass whiffs by the bushel, he had 37 strikeouts in 101 at bats at AAA Sugar Land. Still, if he can hit .225 with some walks mixed in (he drew 16 with the Space Cowboys) and deliver some of his obvious power (13 homers in 25 games for the ex-Skeeters) that’s an upgrade over Abreu/Jon Singleton, as well as over Jake Meyers and the awful showing Chas McCormick has posted so far. Frankly, it seems unwise that the Astros only had Loperfido play seven games at first base in the minors this year. If McCormick doesn’t pick it up soon and with Meyers displaying limited offensive upside, the next guy worth a call-up is outfielder Pedro Leon. In January 2021 the Astros gave Leon four million dollars to sign out of Cuba and called him a “rapid mover to the Major Leagues.” Well…
Over his first three minor league seasons Leon flashed tools but definitely underwhelmed. He has been substantially better so far this year. He turns 26 May 28. Just maybe the Astros offense could be the cause of fewer Ls with Loperfido at first and Leon in center field.
Catch our weekly Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast. Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and I discuss varied Astros topics. The first post for the week generally goes up Monday afternoon (second part released Tuesday) via YouTube: stone cold stros - YouTube with the complete audio available via Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.