The Couch Slouch

When it comes to old NFL quarterbacks, one of these things is not like the other

When it comes to old NFL quarterbacks, one of these things is not like the other
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Ryan Fitzpatrick

It is the golden age of golden oldies among NFL quarterbacks.

Week 1 saw seven starting quarterbacks aged 35 or older:

Tom Brady, 42, Patriots; Drew Brees, 40, Saints; Eli Manning, 38, Giants; Philip Rivers, 37, Chargers; Ben Roethsliberger, 37, Steelers; Aaron Rodgers, 35, Packers, and, somehow, Ryan Fitzpatrick, 36, Dolphins.

That is a lot of Super Bowl champions and future Hall of Famers, plus, somehow, Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Of the seven, five of them remarkably have played for only one team, Brees has played for two teams and, then, somehow, there is Ryan Fitzpatrick, who started for his record eighth NFL team on Sunday.

Fitzgerald's rap sheet: Two seasons in St. Louis, two in Cincinnati, four in Buffalo, one in Tennessee, one in Houston, two with the New York Jets, two in Tampa Bay and, now, his first season in Miami.

He has a U-Haul Premier Rewards Card.

As a starter, Fitzgerald is 50-75-1, with a career passer rating of 81.1.

Which came first?

He's the classic chicken-and-egg signal-caller: Did he just happen to play on a lot of bad teams, or did they become bad teams because he was their quarterback?

Okay, let's not dwell on the paranormal, let's deal with the wonder of Brady and Brees.

Brady came into the NFL in 2000, Brees in 2001; both sat on the bench their first year.

Going into this season, their individual stats are history-shattering and eerily similar.

Brady: 97.6 passer rating, 517 touchdowns, 171 interceptions, 70,514 yards, 7.5 yards per attempt, 64.0 percent completion rate, 44 game-winning drives in 267 starts.

Brees: 97.7 passer rating, 520 touchdowns, 233 interceptions, 74,437 yards, 7.6 yards per attempt, 67.3 percent completion rate, 48 game-winning drives in 263 starts.

The biggest divide – one is an all-timer, the other a mere Hall of Famer – is win-loss record. Brady, playing with better teams, is 207-60 as a starter; Brees is 155-108. In the postseason, Brady is 30-10, with six Super Bowl championships; Brees is 8-7, with one title.

Maybe those numbers will flip over the next 20 years, as both are intent on playing forever.

No stopping us now

(My sources – and, yes, I play racquetball with Gisele Bundchen every Tuesday – tell me Brady is never going to retire. He's talked about playing until he's 45, and when he reaches 45, he'll talk about playing to 50 and so on. I saw his Franklin Planner: He has a series of TB12 diets penciled in until 2044, and, in the autumn, it always lists Sunday as "game day.")

Heck, if you're the lead singer in the band, who wants to give that up? There's a reason that Jon Bon Jovi, Roger Daltrey, Mick Jagger, Axl Rose, David Lee Roth, Steven Tyler and Bruce Springsteen keep strutting across stages into their 50s, 60s and 70s. Why wouldn't 40-something phenoms like Brady and Brees keep suiting up?

Dream job

Then there's Josh McCown.

The career journeyman – 23-53 record, 79.7 passer rating – spent his first four seasons, 2002-05, with the Cardinals. Then he bounced around to nine other teams – he seldom overstayed his welcome – and even was out of the league in 2010. One of the teams he played for, the 49ers, signed him on Aug. 17, 2011 and released him on Sept 3, 2011; that's not even one laundry cycle.

McCown retired after the 2018 season and joined ESPN. But then the Eagles called him and, at age 40, McCown has un-retired to back up Carson Wentz.

And it gets better.

He has Fridays off!

The Eagles agreed to let McCown fly back to Charlotte, N.C., every weekend to help coach his two sons' high school football team.

(Two ways to look at this – 1. That's how badly the Eagles wanted McCown. 2. That's how much they don't need McCown; for all we know, they might've agreed to a contract clause that lets him take a 10-day Carnival Cruise once a month.)

Here's my dream: Later this season, with different teams than they currently play for, Josh McCown replaces Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Ask the Slouch

Q. Andrew Luck walked away from $50 million, but his body was hurting. Antonio Brown's mind must've been hurting if he walked away from $30 million, no? (Scott Parker; Houston)

A. Actually, I think Brown is smarter than he looks here, or did you never listen to Mike Mayock's NFL telecasts?

Q. My son — born and raised in Silver Spring — has just moved to Los Angeles. Is there any hope for the lad? (Ken Giglio; Silver Spring, Md.)

A. Tell him to look me up when he gets out here. Of course, I won't get back to him; this will be his first L.A. lesson.

Q. Just Fresca? What happened to Yuengling? (Levi Goldfarb; Temple Hills, Md.)

A. Just because I drink Fresca doesn't mean I no longer drink Yuengling. Similarly, just because I dislike the Patriots doesn't mean I no longer dislike the Raiders.

Q. Since so many viewers have already turned off the volume on "Sunday Night Baseball," does ESPN keep showing the announcers on camera to justify the expense? (Mike Soper; Washington, D.C.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!

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That was hard to watch. Photo by Luke Hales/Getty Images.

C.J. Stroud couldn't believe it. Neither could his Houston Texans teammates.

They were frustrated after a 21-13 loss to the New York Jets on Thursday night when they couldn't get much going against a team that was seeing its season spiral after losing five straight games.

“It’s embarrassing to come out here in a prime-time game and get embarrassed like that is never fun,” Stroud said. “We have to be better in a lot of areas, and that starts with me. There are plays I've got to make, throws I've got to make.”

Stroud completed just 11 of 30 passes for 191 yards for the Texans (6-3), who played without injured receivers Stefon Diggs and Nico Collins. Stroud was also sacked eight times.

“If we want to win, this is not the recipe for it,” Stroud said. “We've got to learn how to dominate and stop learning to just go with the flow.”

It was the first of three consecutive prime-time games for Houston, with a Sunday night home matchup against the Lions on Nov. 10 next and a Monday night meeting at Dallas on Nov. 18.

“We just have to honestly just play football better, execute better, stop pointing the finger and realize at the end of the day this is not winning football,” Stroud said. "We can’t keep squeezing our way by. We are a really good football team. Once we buy into the systems and what is being coached, we have to have leadership to take over.

“This isn’t the end, but it’s definitely a great wake-up call for us to tighten up the ship.”

The Texans got on the scoreboard first on Joe Mixon's 3-yard touchdown run late in the second quarter. They also led 10-7 through three quarters, but couldn't close it out as Aaron Rodgers and an eye-popping catch by Garrett Wilson helped lead the Jets to a victory that stopped their skid.

“The most frustrating part is that we were the better team,” right tackle Tytus Howard said. "We let that game get away from us, especially in the second half. We didn’t come back out with the same intensity we had in the second quarter.

“We let a team steal a win from us.”

Texans coach DeMeco Ryans was particularly concerned with the offensive line after Stroud was hit 11 times. The second-year quarterback was on the turf for a few moments and was slow to come off the field after being sacked by Solomon Thomas shortly before halftime.

“Not sure what’s happening up front,” Ryans said. “We’ll watch the film. We gave up eight sacks and every drop back or pass situation looks like we’re in scramble mode. It’s just not good enough. We can’t operate on time. We've got to get that fixed.”

Stroud has been sacked 30 times this season, a total that ranks second in the NFL to Cleveland's Deshaun Watson, who's out for the season.

“We don’t want our quarterback getting hit as many hits as he took," Ryans said. "It’s not good enough. We've got to adjust, change things moving forward.”

After a slow start on offense, the Jets found a rhythm in the second half. Wilson's acrobatic, one-handed grab put New York in front 14-10 early in the fourth quarter. Rodgers' 37-yard TD pass to Davante Adams made it 21-10 with 2:56 left.

“When the passes went up in the second half, we didn’t win those passes,” Ryans said. “It was the same matchup we had in the first half. They made plays in the second half and we didn’t.”

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