THE COUCH SLOUCH

Who is the worst owner in professional sports? A tale of the tape

Who is the worst owner in professional sports? A tale of the tape
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Dan Snyder

Just before the turn of the century, two monsters of a new millennium were unleashed on the unsuspecting sporting communities of New York and Washington. Twenty years later, two franchises – the NBA Knicks and the NFL R*dsk*ns – have fallen from proud to pathetic, laying in waste in a rubble-filled puddle of dysfunction and defeat.

Today we bring you an overdue comparison of the presumptive worst owners in professional sports, the Knicks' James Dolan and the R*dsk*ns' Daniel Snyder:

Phoenix Suns v New York Knicks/James Dolan

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How They Got There. To his credit, the 55-year-old Snyder, a college dropout, is a self-made billionaire (perhaps forever tainting the terms "self-made" and "billionaire"), parlaying his Snyder Communications marketing company into buying the Redskins in 1999 for $800 million. Dolan, 64, climbed the ranks the old-fashioned way – he is the son of Cablevision founder Charles Dolan, and his dad handed him control of the Knicks in 1999.

Team Records. Under Dolan, the Knicks have the worst record in the NBA in the 21st century, winning exactly one playoff series (2013) and missing the postseason the past six years. Under Snyder, the R*dsk*ns are 142-190-1, with a grand total of two playoff victories (1999, 2005 seasons).

Coaches. Dolan has had 13 head coaches in 20 seasons, including Herb Williams twice; he fired David Fizdale this month. Snyder has only had nine coaches in 20 seasons; he fired Jay Gruden in October, asking him to report to the R*dsk*ns facility at 5 a.m. to be told of his dismissal. (At least he beat traffic.)

Front Office Boo-Boos. Dolan hired Isiah Thomas as team president and subsequently hired him as head coach. Snyder first had Vinny Cerrato running the team, followed by Bruce Allen. If Thomas, Cerrato and Allen ran Bed Bath & Beyond, there would be no bath or beyond.

Business Hiccups. Dolan reportedly lost $250 million for Cablevision when he bought the failing Wiz electronics chain, which ended up in liquidation. Snyder seized control of Six Flags, taking it into bankruptcy four years later. Apparently, integrated circuitry and theme parks ain't in these guys' wheelhouse.

Customer Relations: After a fan yelled at Dolan to "sell the team" following a home loss in March, Dolan banned him from Madison Square Garden for life; he has attempted to bar individuals several times from Knicks games. Snyder once banned fan signs from FedEx Field (largely to eliminate embarrassing, critical messages), once disallowed pedestrian traffic into FedEx Field (largely to prevent fans from parking at a nearby mall to avoid stadium parking fees) and sued season-ticket holders who back out of long-term contracts (largely to extract more money from the serfs).

Media Relations. Both virtually never grant interviews. As part of a long-running feud, Dolan barred the New York Daily News from a post-draft press conference in June, incurring a $50,000 NBA fine. Snyder once sued the Washington City Paper and writer Dave McKenna for the greatest Snyder article ever penned, "The Cranky R*dsk*ns Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," before dropping the action in 2011.

Hobbies. Dolan is the frontman and guitarist for the blues-inspired rock band JD & The Straight Shot. Snyder is the owner of a $180 million superyacht that includes an IMAX theater, a basketball court and a helipad; it can accommodate several hundred passengers, coincidentally about the same number of people attending R*dsk*ns home games this season.

Temperament. They both have a bad temperament.

Conclusion: Who Is Worse? With cooperation from the Johns Hopkins Advanced Physics Laboratory and ESPN Stats & Info, we created a complex analytical model to deconstruct the two owners. And the results? Remarkably, the numbers indicate that, if Dolan and Snyder swapped franchises over the last two decades, the Knicks and the R*dsk*ns would still have the exact same records over that span.

Ask The Slouch

Q.Vanna White is currently pinch-hitting for the injured Pat Sajak. If you went on the D.L., who would peck away on the old Smith Corona? (Jack Drury; Cumberland, Md.)

A. Our one-month contingency calls for Toni to handle two columns, Shirley to handle one and Daisy – our 90-pound pit mix with a 25-word vocabulary – to handle the other.

Q.Does the Bureau of Engraving and Printing literally print money? (Dan Campos; Miami Beach, Fla.)

A. No. Scott Boras does.

Q.How can you explain the execrable Lane Kiffin getting his fifth head-coaching job? (Howard Freed; Mequon, Wis.)

A. I assume he interviews well.

Q.A la Le'Veon Bell, have you ever called in sick for work and then went bowling? (Tim Jones; Philadelphia)

A. No, but I opted to bowl on the second night of my second honeymoon, effectively ending the honeymoon.

Q.Are there any videos in the Patriots' "Do Your Job" series that AREN'T about cheating? (Mark Cohen; Gibsonia, Pa.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!

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The Astros made the right decision. Photo by Jack Gorman/Getty Images.

Cross your fingers that Isaac Paredes’s hamstring tweak Thursday night is only a tweak. The Astros’ mediocre lineup would absorb a hard blow if Paredes winds up heading to the Injured List. But don’t worry, is there any doubt the Astros’ medical staff has it handled? Paredes has been excellent, a better player than was 2024 Alex Bregman. If he is to miss some time with the sore hammy, that will hurt Paredes’s “on pace for” numbers, but his 15th home run of the season Thursday has him on pace for 35, his 42nd run batted in has him on pace for 98. Reminder that Paredes is making $6,625,000 this season versus Bregman’s 40 million. The Astros sure hope that Paredes doesn’t wind up joining Bregman on the IL.

Follow the money

Never blame a player for grabbing every last dollar he can. However, when taking more money to join a clearly lesser organization, one loses the ability to honestly say, “winning is the most important thing to me.” It’s no sin if winning isn’t absolute priority one. It’s a life choice and business decision. Hello Carlos Correa.

The Astros host the Minnesota Twins at Daikin Park this weekend. Correa is now in his fourth season with the Twins. If his level of play doesn’t pick up, it will be the worst season of his career. Correa is in the third year of the six-year 200 million dollar contract he signed with Minnesota after exercising his opt out clause following the first year of the three-year deal he initially inked with the Twins. In total he has seven years with and 235 million dollars coming from the Twins. When Correa first hit free agency the Astros final offer to keep him was a very reasonable five years and 160 million dollars. If Correa had re-upped with the Astros, he’d have become a free agent after next season. No way would he then have gotten 75 million over two years to match the total haul of 235 over seven he bagged.

Financially, Correa played it correctly. But is he having the same fun playing home games in Minneapolis where the Twins are averaging barely over 20,000 per game in announced attendance, versus the Astros who are announcing about 32,000 per? Correa has played in the postseason once in the three years, and the Astros eliminated him, while the Astros have been in every year. The Twins start the series here this weekend with a record only a game and a half behind the Astros, but while the Astros lead the weak American League West by four and a half games, the Twins about need a telescope to see the Detroit Tigers eight games in front of them in the AL Central. The AL West is the only of the six divisions in Major League Baseball that has just one team with a winning record.

Correa turns 31 years old September 22, the same day Jeremy Pena turns 28. Correa is making over 37 million dollars this season. The Astros are paying Pena four-point-four mil. Over 2026 and 2027 Correa will pull down nearly 65 mil. Over those same two seasons, the Astros will likely pay Pena a total of between 20 and 25 million. Last season Correa was a significantly better player than Pena, except that Carlos played only 86 games. This year Pena has made a quantum leap and is playing like a superstar, while Correa’s game has eroded. Fun factoids: Pena stole his 14th base of the season Wednesday. Correa’s last stolen base came in 2019. To be fair, speed was never a signature of Correa's game.

Double trouble

In 1948 the Boston Braves had a tandem of starting pitching aces in future Hall of Famer Warren Spahn and Johnny Sain. The rest of the rotation was a bit shaky. Boston sportswriter Gerald Hearn wrote “First we’ll use Spahn, then we’ll use Sain, then an off day followed by rain. Back will come Spahn, followed by Sain, and followed we hope by two days rain.” Hunter Brown and Framber Valdez are the Spahn and Sain of the 2025 Astros. Brown has been marvelous all season, Valdez has a 2.02 earned run average over his last seven starts. I leave Brown/Valdez poetry to you.

Spahn is among the handful of greatest left-handed pitchers in history. He debuted in 1942 and pitched in four games, before serving in World War II that took him out of the 1943, ‘44, and ‘45 seasons. Spahn logged his first big league win in 1946 when he was 25 years old. He’d win 362 more and will never be caught for the honor of most wins by a lefty in big league history. As a 42-year-old Spahn went 23-7 and threw 22 complete games. When men were men! It was the 13th time in Spahn’s career that he was a 20-game winner.

For Astro-centric conversation, join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and me for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday. Click here to catch!

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