THE COUCH SLOUCH
23 observations on sports and media you won't want to miss
Sep 16, 2019, 6:57 am
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Jeremy Schaap
These are 23 (more) facts, tried and true, about the widening world of sports television:
1. They say that nobody gets out alive – I assume they are referring to ESPN's First Take.
2. Every time I go to the Cheesecake Factory, I can't believe how long the wait is – the food's good, but not that good. College football on TV is sort of the same thing.
3. I would compare Norman Esiason's 18-year run on CBS's The NFL Today favorably with J. Edgar Hoover's 37-year run as FBI director.
4. Here's the thing about ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball: It's unwatchable and unlistenable, which, put in layman's terms, means it's hard to watch and hard to listen to.
5. All I do is tell people to watch more bowling on TV, and all people do is ignore me.
6. I wanted to invite ESPN's Jeremy Schaap and his wife Joclyn over for dinner recently, but we couldn't rent a butler in time.
7. Fellow Terp Scott Van Pelt is so good on SportsCenter, I almost forgive him his blind spot on University of Maryland athletics.
8. Bob Costas is growing on me.
(Column Intermission I: Virtually completing our descent into cultural hell, cbssports.com's Chris Trapasso now offers regular power rankings of NFL practice-squad players. This is likely the final piece in the puzzle for the fast-growing NFL practice-squad fantasy sports industry. For the record, Cardinals quarterback Kyle Sloter – boy, the kid's got great arm talent and eye discipline – currently is ranked No. 1.)
9. If it's all about "launch angle," I suspect Albert Einstein would've been an incredible baseball GM and sports bettor.
10. I always read Barstool Sports' website while on the can to cut out the middleman.
11. One day FS1's Doug Gottlieb will say something that I write down, and when I look at it a bit later, I'll actually think, "Yeah, that makes sense."
12. If Woodstock had morphed into an annual music festival, I'm guessing Joe Lunardi would have another specialty.
13. I understand that MTV doesn't show music videos anymore, but how come every time I turn on the Golf Channel to watch a golf tournament, they're not showing any golf?
14. I hate to state the obvious, but why wouldn't the NFL consider Tuesday Night Football and Wednesday Night Football as well?
15. It is a statistical improbability that no one from esports, cornhole or darts telecasts has called me to provide commentary.
16. The day that synchronized swimming incorporates replay challenges, I'll know it's all but over.
(Column Intermission II: Here is verbatim analysis from Alex Rodriguez during a recent Phillies-Mets game on ESPN: "You always want even leads, versus odd leads. Why? The solo home run doesn't tie it and the grand slam does not beat you." I don't know where to start, so I won't.)
17. In medieval times, every town had a village idiot. Now, there is FS1's Speak for Yourself.
18. While in the middle of a recent appearance on The Dan Patrick Show, NBC's Peter King was ticketed for talking on his cellphone while driving. Actually, I think the cop gave King a ticket for polluting the airwaves.
19. Toni and I never argue over who gets the clicker because we can never find it.
20. I'd bet Jeremy Schaap's last Argyle sock that one day there will be a sports betting show on TV called, No Gamble No Future.
21. 7-Eleven never closes, which makes me wonder if the place ever gets cleaned up really good; I worry about ESPN in the same way.
22. TMZ Sports? Uh, no.
23. Perhaps you could cite my own self-interest in this matter and perhaps I am wrong, but I firmly believe that poker on TV saves lives.
Ask The Slouch
Q. So the Jaguars, your NFL Team of Destiny, now have Gardner Minshew, the "Stache" at Washington State, starting at quarterback. As the "Stache" in the sports writing community, how do you figure this will turn out? (Steve Hintyesz; Spokane, Wash.)
A. I have known about Minshew ever since meeting him at a mustache mixer in 2018. He is destined for greatness and the Jags are still destined for Super Bowl 54.
Q. Does Odell Beckham Jr. wearing a $190,000 watch during games offend you? (Radu Marinescu; Glendale, Ariz.)
A. Critics fail to realize that, by wearing a watch during games, Beckham is the only one on the field to know the time of day after every play.
Q. Sam Darnold out with mononucleosis? Really? (Ben Whitman; St. Petersburg, Fla.)
A. It's an odd ailment attached commonly to New York Jets quarterbacks – didn't Joe Namath have mono after kissing Suzy Kolber?
Q. Historically, which has been the greater jinx: Appearing on a Sports Illustrated cover or being selected as the Couch Slouch Team of Destiny? "Doc" Scoville; Fairfax, Va.)
A. Listen, pal, I have overcome the jinx of working for Sports Illustrated to be here today, of almost sound mind and body.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
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Critical levers Astros can pull as health concerns, deadline pressures grow
Jul 10, 2025, 3:46 pm
Jake Meyers is the latest Astro to be rushed back from injury too soon. Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images.
Houston center fielder Jake Meyers was removed from Wednesday night’s game against Cleveland during pregame warmups because of right calf tightness.
Meyers, who had missed the last two games with a right calf injury, jogged onto the field before the game but soon summoned the training staff, who joined him on the field to tend to him. He remained on the field on one knee as manager Joe Espada joined the group. After a couple minutes, Meyers got up and was helped off the field and to the tunnel in right field by a trainer.
Mauricio Dubón moved from shortstop to center field and Zack Short entered the game to replace Dubón at shortstop.
Meyers is batting .308 with three homers and 21 RBIs this season.
After the game, Meyers met with the media and spoke about the injury. Meyers declined to answer when asked if the latest injury feels worse than the one he sustained Sunday. Wow, that is not a good sign.
Asked if this calf injury feels worse than the one he sustained on Sunday, Jake Meyers looked toward a team spokesman and asked "do I have to answer that?" He did not and then politely ended the interview.
— Chandler Rome (@Chandler_Rome) July 10, 2025
Lack of imaging strikes again!
The Athletic's Chandler Rome reported on Thursday that the Astros didn't do any imaging on Meyers after the initial injury. You can't make this stuff up. This is exactly the kind of thing that has the Astros return-to-play policy under constant scrutiny.
The All-Star break is right around the corner, why take the risk in playing Meyers after missing just two games with calf discomfort? The guy literally fell to the ground running out to his position before the game started. The people that make these risk vs. reward assessments clearly are making some serious mistakes.
The question remains: will the Astros finally do something about it?