How did the Texans star do at 30 Rockefeller Center?

Grading J.J. Watt's SNL appearance

Texans JJ Watt
Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images for Sports Illustrated

J.J. Watt hosted SNL on Saturday and he did a good job. We take a look at this performances and the skits themselves get graded overall with Watt's performance weighing heavily on how the final grade for the skit plays out.

The Monologue: A-

A good athlete monologue. A solid monologue. They did put some solid jokes in there making fun of him being an athlete. A nice brothers joke. The freaking Fox robot being his dad was a solid joke. Took some shots at himself for being out of the Super Bowl. Good solid start. NBC played Eli Manning's SNL earlier in the day and Watt easily beat Eli's opener.

Frozen 2: B-

Watt gets dinged for the overall weakness of the skit. Certainly nothing was his fault here. He was funny in his part though as Kristoff. He isn't in there a ton but has a few moments that elicited a chuckle. That wig is great.

Robbie: A

Fantastic. A parody of Rudy and this was so well done. The story of Rudy has grown over the years despite plenty of his teammates, including Joe Montana, shooting down the mystique. Watt played his part great here and the jokes kept flying.

The Sex Talk: A+++

Absolutely crushed. Knocked. It. Out. So many different quotable moments. Even had a shout out to one of Watt's sponsors. His best of the night.

Men's Product: A

Short, sweet, and to the point. An athlete-centric skit for the athlete. Well done.

Pilot Hunk: C

Nothing Watt could do with this one. He was put in a box and the writers took a chance on a Bachelor trope and it didn't really pay off. A couple of laughs but nothing sustainable and not nearly the quality of other sketches.

Madden 21: A++

This was very well done. Typical Madden talk and then hilarity ensues. Watt delivers so many funny lines in this one.

Society Debut: B

To me Watt did the best he could with this one. Pretty funny delivery as Bigfoot. Decent stuff and a light chuckle here and there.

Pizza Place: A

A riff on 1970's porno and how hilarious it would be for the delivery guy to have to keep coming back into work? Yeah that worked out pretty well. Well done on the writing and Watt playing a hard working and naive pizza boy was well done.

Overall Grade: A+

 

Watt didn't bomb at all on any of his roles in the show. He had some HILARIOUS moments, recovered from a hiccup or two with no issue, and did the most with what SNL gave him. Athletes typically don't get the invite back for another one but I wouldn't be shocked to see Watt pop up with some light work on TV or in movies after these performances.

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Can top prospect Brice Matthews give Houston a boost? Composite Getty Image.

What looked like a minor blip after an emotional series win in Los Angeles has turned into something more concerning for the Houston Astros.

Swept at home by a Guardians team that came in riding a 10-game losing streak, the Astros were left looking exposed. Not exhausted, as injuries, underperformance, and questionable decision-making converged to hand Houston one of its most frustrating series losses of the year.

 

Depth finally runs dry

 

It would be easy to point to a “Dodger hangover” as the culprit, the emotional peak of an 18-1 win at Chavez Ravine followed by a mental lull. But that’s not the story here.

Houston’s energy was still evident, especially in the first two games of the series, where the offense scored five or more runs each time. Including those, the Astros had reached that mark in eight of their last 10 games heading into Wednesday’s finale.

But scoring isn’t everything, not when a lineup held together by duct tape and desperation is missing Christian Walker and Jake Meyers and getting critical at-bats from Cooper Hummel, Zack Short, and other journeymen.

The lack of depth finally showed. The Astros, for three days, looked more like a Triple-A squad with Jose Altuve and a couple big-league regulars sprinkled in.

 

Cracks in the pitching core

 

And the thing that had been keeping this team afloat, elite pitching, finally buckled.

Hunter Brown and Josh Hader, both dominant all season, finally cracked. Brown gave up six runs in six innings, raising his pristine 1.82 ERA to 2.21. Hader wasn’t spared either, coughing up a game-losing grand slam in extra innings that inflated his ERA from 1.80 to 2.38 in one night.

But the struggles weren’t isolated. Bennett Sousa, Kaleb Ort, and Steven Okert each gave up runs at critical moments. The bullpen’s collective fade could not have come at a worse time for a team already walking a tightrope.

 

Injury handling under fire

 

Houston’s injury management is also drawing heat, and rightfully so. Jake Meyers, who had been nursing a calf strain, started Wednesday’s finale. He didn’t even make it through one pitch before aggravating the injury and needing to be helped off the field.

No imaging before playing him. No cautionary rest despite the All-Star break looming. Just a rushed return in a banged-up lineup, and it backfired immediately.

Second-guessing has turned to outright criticism of the Astros’ medical staff, as fans and analysts alike wonder whether these mounting injuries are being made worse by how the club is handling them.

 

Pressure mounts on Dana Brown

 

All eyes now turn to Astros GM Dana Brown. The Astros are limping into the break with no clear reinforcements on the immediate horizon. Only Chas McCormick is currently rehabbing in Sugar Land. Everyone else? Still sidelined.

Brown will need to act — and soon.

At a minimum, calling up top prospect Brice Matthews makes sense. He’s been mashing in Triple-A (.283/.400/.476, 10 HR, .876 OPS) and could play second base while Jose Altuve shifts to left field more regularly. With Mauricio Dubón stretched thin between shortstop and center, injecting Matthews’ upside into the infield is a logical step.

*Editor's note: The Astros must be listening, Matthews was called up Thursday afternoon!

 

There’s also trade chatter, most notably about Orioles outfielder Cedric Mullins, but excitement has been tepid. His numbers don’t jump off the page, but compared to who the Astros are fielding now, Mullins would be a clear upgrade and a much-needed big-league presence.

 

A final test before the break

 

Before the All-Star reset, Houston gets one last chance to stabilize the ship, and it comes in the form of a rivalry series against the Texas Rangers. The Astros will send their top trio — Lance McCullers Jr., Framber Valdez, and Hunter Brown — to the mound for a three-game set that will test their resolve, their health, and perhaps their postseason aspirations.

The Silver Boot is up for grabs. So is momentum. And maybe, clarity on just how far this version of the Astros can go.

There's so much more to discuss! Don't miss the video below as we examine the topics above and much, much more!

The MLB season is finally upon us! Join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and Charlie Pallilo for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday.

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*ChatGPT assisted.

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