4th and a mile with Paul Muth

Help me sound cool: A Super Bowl guide for the casual fan

Tom Brady is looking to win his 7th Super Bowl. Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images.

If you've been counting down the days until February 7th, 2021, this string of text probably isn't for you.

If you're...a little less invested...you've come to the right place.

This is and has always been a primer for those that just need a little backstory before the game. I've made a career off of faking it until I make it, so I'm just here to pay it forward.

This is what you forward to your friends that heard there was going to be a party in early February, but just now realized that it was a football thing.

Let's go.

What's going on

The Super Bowl, no need to act that naive.

Who's playing?

The Kansas City Chiefs versus the Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Help me sound cool

The Kansas City Chiefs are looking for the first back to back Super Bowl Championship since 2004. Guess who won it?

The dude quarterbacking the team they're facing, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Who's quarterbacking the Bucs? (yes that's how it's abbreviated)

Tom Brady. The Uggs spokesman. Gisele Bündchen's less successful spouse. Also the most successful quarterback in NFL history. Look him up.

He's a good looking dude.


What about the other quarterback?

Patrick Mahomes? Well he went to Texas Tech, he's already a league MVP, Super Bowl champion, Super Bowl MVP and he's only 25. He also throws no-look passes like a robot and sounds like Kermit the Frog.

What about the rest of the Chiefs?

You'll hear the name Tyreek Hill a lot. He's the fastest man on the planet. I think. His nickname is "Cheetah," which means a lot considering that professionally fast people gave him a fast nickname.

On defense look for a guy named Tyrann Matthieu. His nickname is "The Honey Badger," which is just cool as hell. He's from LSU, and he used to play for the Texans. Since he left Houston, the Texans have finished the past two seasons with one of the worst rated pass defenses in all of football.

Seems like a guy worth keeping around, but I digress.

Sure, ok. What about the Bucs?

Watch for Mike Evans. He's a giant wide receiver who's basically a basketball player that just jumps over everyone and catches everything. He's an A&M alum, and is so unabashedly Texan that he catered Whataburger at his wedding. You can't root against that, unless you're from California or something.

On defense look for Devin White. Well, you won't have to. He'll make himself known.

Anything else?

Tampa Bay is the first team to play a Super Bowl in their home stadium. Oh, and Tom Brady is 700 years old.

So who wins?

Vegas has the Chiefs favored, and they should. But I've learned over the past 20 years to never--ever--bet against Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr.


I call 31-27 Bucs, because I want to see Rob Gronkowski do Rob Gronkowski things.

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Zack Greinke earned his 10th win of the season in Sunday's finale agains the Rangers. Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images

With the first two wins of the series under their belt, the Astros entered Sunday looking to take care of business before heading on the road. Despite the Rangers taking the first lead of the day, the Astros responded on offense and defense to erase the deficit to get the victory.

Final Score: Astros 3, Rangers 1

Astros' Record: 61-39, first in the AL West

Winning Pitcher: Zack Greinke (10-3)

Losing Pitcher: Dennis Santana (0-1)

Greinke, with some help, notches a quality start

Zack Greinke was doing well in the early goings of Sunday's finale. Despite allowing back-to-back singles to start the game, he stranded both runners to finish the top of the first. He followed that by erasing two more runners in the second, starting a stretch of eight straight batters which he would retire to make it through one out in the top of the fifth without allowing a run.

Texas finally added a blemish to his day at that point, getting a solo homer to grab their first lead in weeks. Greinke rebounded from it, sitting down the next two batters to finish the frame, then posted a 1-2-3 sixth. He returned for the top of the seventh, but would end his day with a struggle, loading the bases with no outs on a single, hit batter, and walk. That prompted Dusty Baker to bring in Cristian Javier, who saved Greinke's stat line by getting a strikeout and double play to keep the Rangers from scoring. Greinke's line: 6.0 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, 1 HR, 86 P.

Houston grabs the lead

Houston's starter would leave in line for the win, thanks to the work of Cristian Javier, but also some timely offense in the two innings prior. With not much going for them in the first four innings, the Astros tried to take advantage of Chas McCormick being on base in the bottom of the fifth, sending him for a potential hit and run with Abraham Toro swinging.

That turned into two runs, with McCormick able to slow his run as Toro would launch a two-run go-ahead homer to erase the Rangers lead quickly. They extended the lead to two runs in the next inning, with Yordan Alvarez working a walk and then later scoring on an RBI single by Kyle Tucker, making it 3-1.

Astros finish the sweep

After cleaning up the inherited mess in the top of the seventh, Javier remained on the mound in the top of the eighth and made it through a 1-2-3 inning to give him six outs against five batters. With it still a two-run game in the top of the ninth, Ryan Pressly entered for the save opportunity. He notched it, sitting down the Rangers 1-2-3 to finish the sweep, handing Texas their twelfth straight loss.

Up Next: The Astros will head out west for an eight-game road trip starting with a three-game set with the Mariners kicking off at 9:10 PM Central on Monday. In the opener, Luis Garcia (7-5, 2.86 ERA) for Houston is slated to go opposite Darren McCaughan (0-0, 1.80 ERA), who will make his second career appearance and first start for Seattle.

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