FREE AGENT FRENZY

Here's how to avoid being blindsided by the Texans this season

Here's how to avoid being blindsided by the Texans this season
Free agency could prove to be tricky for Houston. Composite image by Brandon Strange.
Here's why the Texans place in the AFC South moving forward is so uncertain

Houston Texans new head coach Lovie Smith held court Wednesday at the NFL combine in Indianapolis.

Smith said, “If I’m a defensive lineman, I would like to come to a place like the Houston Texans. We start up front. Again, it’s about, as I said, about the defensive line. We kind of read on the run, athletes getting up the field, making sacks and things like that. I think it’s a defensive line friendly system.”

To his credit, Smith punctuated his prayer with “if” and “would” and “kind of” and “I think.”

This year’s top free agent defensive linemen and pass rushers are Chandler Jones, Von Miller, Jadeveon Clowney, Randy Gregory, Harold Landry, Haasan Reddick and Emmanuel Ogbah.

“If” Smith believes they’re coming to Houston, I “would” doubt it, and “I think” he’s “kind of” dreaming.

Lovie Smith isn’t just drinking the Texans’ Kool-Aid, he’s chugging the whole pitcher. (Fun fact: the record for guzzling a 2-liter bottle of a soft drink is 18.5 seconds, held by Eric “Badlands” Booker. The mass consumption record belongs to late pro wrestler Andre the Giant, who emptied 119 bottles of beer over six hours.)

Star NFL free agents sign with new teams for several reasons. No. 1, of course, is a chance to play for a contender and possibly win a Super Bowl.

The Texans were 4-13 last season and 4-12 in 2020. Vegas sports books have the Texans at plus-20,000 to win next year’s Super Bowl, tied with the New York Jets at the longest odds on the board. Vegas thinks the Jacksonville Jaguars and Detroit Lions have a better shot of winning the Super Bowl.

Star free agents may want to play for a heritage NFL team with a history of winning.

In 20 years, the Texans have never won a Super Bowl. They’ve never even played in an AFC title game.

Or they want to play for a team with a solid owner who’s respected by local fans and a proven front office with a track record of success.

Texans fans hate the owner, think he’s a hillbilly dunce 10 IQ points below Jethro Bodine. Fans want the owner’s Grand Wizard Jack Easterby run out of town. And the general manager Nick Caserio’s explanation of how the Texans wound up hiring Lovie Smith is, well …

Or they want to play in a football-rabid market with adoring fans who pack the stadium, who bequeath season tickets to their next of kin and players can make lots of money in endorsements.

Houston Texans fans are not happy with their team. The stadium is half-empty, security confiscates fans’ signs imploring the owner to sell the team. As far as endorsements, Texans players can’t land a supermarket gig these days. Can you even name the star of the team?

Stars want to play with a generational quarterback who singlehandedly makes a team an instant contender, like Rob Gronkowski followed Tom Brady to Tampa and wound up catching two touchdowns in the Super Bowl.

The Texans don’t know who their quarterback will be next year. Could be second year Davis Mills, could be a free agent pickup.

Free agents are lured to Houston because Texas doesn’t have a state income tax.

This has to stop. It’s not true. A Texans fan could count all the star free agents who’ve signed with Houston on one hand and still have a finger left to tell the owner where to go. Last year, the Texans signed the following free agents: Tyrod Taylor Justin Britt, Donte Moncrief, Vernon Hargreaves, Cameron Johnston, Christian Kirksey, Mark Ingram, Phillip Lindsay, Kevin Pierre-Louis, Desmond King, Andre Roberts, Kamu Grugier-Hill, Maliek Collins, Terrence Brooks, Joe Thomas, Justin McCray.

You got any of them on your fantasy team?

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The Astros are cooking! Composite Getty Image.

The Houston Astros didn’t just sweep the Philadelphia Phillies. They sent a message.

In three tightly contested games against one of the best teams in baseball, the Astros leaned on their elite pitching and timely offense to secure a statement sweep. Hunter Brown was electric in the finale, shutting down the Phillies’ lineup and showing the kind of dominance that’s become a defining feature of his game. Bryan Abreu slammed the door with four strikeouts to close out the win, and rookie Cam Smith delivered the deciding blow — an RBI single in the eighth to drive in Isaac Paredes, lifting the Astros to a 2-1 victory.

It wasn’t a series filled with offensive fireworks, but that’s exactly the point. Both teams sent out top-tier pitching throughout the series, and Houston was the team that kept finding a way. For much of the season, the Astros’ inconsistent offense might’ve been a concern in a series like this. But this time, it felt different. The bats showed up just enough, and the pitching did the rest.

Now, with Houston on pace for 96 wins at the halfway point, the question becomes: Is the league officially on notice?

Maybe. Maybe not. But one thing is certain, the Astros have the third-best record in baseball, they’re 17-7 in one-run games, and they’re playing with the kind of rhythm that’s defined their near-decade of dominance. Unlike last year’s uneven campaign, this version of the Astros looks like a team that’s rediscovered its edge. Whether or not they need to take care of business against the Cubs to validate it, their recent run leaves little doubt: when Houston is clicking, there are very few teams built to stop them.

Off the field, however, a bit of long-term uncertainty is starting to creep in. Reports surfaced this week that extension talks with shortstop Jeremy Peña have been put on hold as he recently signed with super-agent Scott Boras. The combination has led many to wonder if Peña might follow the same free-agent path as Alex Bregman, Carlos Correa, and others before him. Boras clients rarely settle early, and Peña, now one of the most valuable shortstops in the game, could command a price tag the Astros have historically avoided paying.

If Peña and even Hunter Brown are likely to get priced out of Houston, the front office may need to pivot. Isaac Paredes could be the most logical extension candidate on the roster. His approach — particularly his ability to pull the ball with authority — is tailor-made for Daikin Park and the Crawford Boxes. Last year, Paredes struggled to leave the yard at Wrigley Field, but in Houston, he’s thriving. Locking him in long term would give the Astros offensive stability and the kind of value they’ve typically targeted.

As for Cam Smith, the breakout rookie is far from free agency and will remain a cost-controlled piece for years. That’s exactly why his contributions now, like his clutch eighth-inning knock to beat Philadelphia, matter so much. He's one more reason why the Astros don’t just look good right now. They look dangerous.

And the rest of the league is starting to feel it.

There's so much more to get to! Don't miss the video below as we examine the topics above and much, much more!

The MLB season is finally upon us! Join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and Charlie Pallilo for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday.

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*ChatGPT assisted.

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