4th and a mile with Paul Muth
The Roast of baseball whiners, and what to do this weekend
Feb 20, 2020, 1:44 am
Photo by Ronald Martinez/Allsport/Getty Images
I think I'm on my 8th or 9th full run through of The Office right now. The Office Ladies podcast got me back into it this time, and if you haven't given them a listen, I highly recommend it.
Anyway, I was watching the "Stress Relief" episode where the office takes turns roasting Michael Scott. He eventually craters and leaves, only to return and head shot roast everyone with one liners.
I'm at the point in this Astros offseason episode where I've cratered. I've kept silent while I watch Astros fans don their Twitter armor and go to Twitter war in defense of their team. But it's old, and I'm human.
Now I don't condone the cheating they were found guilty of. And I also think it's OK to be mad if you were on another team when it happened. But whining about it on Twitter or into a microphone isn't doing anything, especially if you haven't taken the time to make sure your side of the aisle is clean. It's important to not throw stones if you live in a glass house, and frankly, all of this piling on is going nowhere and changing nothing.
So, whatever. Let's throw some back.
"[I] thought Manfred's punishment was weak, giving them immunity. I mean these guys were cheating for three years. I think
what people don't realize is Altuve stole an MVP from [Aaron] Judge in '17. Everyone knows they stole the ring from us."
-Cody Bellinger, Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder
Your own player's union prevented the punishments and even if he did they would have all been thrown out due to good old fashioned labor laws. And don't talk about stealing an MVP, you're one Christian Yelich kneecap away from a 2nd place finish last season dude. Even then he still should've won it.
Boom roasted.
"I feel like every single guy over there needs a beating. It's wrong."
-Nick Markakis, Atlanta Braves outfielder
I mean, bold words dude. It's a shame that the next day 70-year-old Dusty Baker crumpled your entire manhood into a ball with a simple response: "I didn't think Markakis talked too much, maybe he had his Wheaties." Also, try swinging better than .121 in the postseason the past two years.
Boom roasted.
"If I knew what [pitch] was coming in '17, I probably would have hit 80-plus home runs,"
-Giancarlo Stanton, New York Yankees outfielder
Let's get you on the field for more 80 games first, then we can have this conversation, bud.
Boom roasted.
"Listen I know I don't play baseball but I am in Sports and I know if someone cheated me out of winning the title and I found out about it I would be F*^king irate! I mean like uncontrollable about what I would/could do! Listen here baseball commissioner listen to your players speaking today about how disgusted, mad, hurt, broken, etc etc about this. Literally the ball is in your court(or should I say field) and you need to fix this for the sake of Sports! #JustMyThoughtsComingFromASportsJunkieRegardlessMyOwnSportIPlay"
-LeBron James, Los Angeles Lakers small forward
So speaking up about the sanctity of baseball is more important than speaking up about the basic human rights of the people of Hong Kong. Noted. I guess Houston didn't buy enough of his shoes.
Boom roasted.
And finally, here's a one tweet mic drop to all of the journalists piling on for easy page views:
With apologies to my friends in the business, but sports journalism isn't actual journalism. If it was, they'd be investigating leads to find out who's been cheating on every team instead of just dunking on the Astros for pageviews.
— John Wessling (@johnwessling) February 17, 2020
Boom roasted.
This weekend in Houston
Sabrecats - Live sporting events are a little thin this weekend, but if you're feeling adventurous, there's a Sabrecats rugby game this Saturday at 7 pm. Watching rugby isn't the adventurous part. Driving down 288 to get there is.
Doomsday Wrestling - If you've never seen Doomsday Wrestling put on a show, be at Numbers on Westheimer on Saturday at 9 pm. You don't have to like wrestling to enjoy it. You're welcome.
Mardis Gras Stuff - It's Mardi Gras weekend, people. be prepared. If you haven't tried Mardi Gras in Galveston, this is their last weekend. Get going. There's also a pub crawl in the East End (or EaDo for the hipsters).
It's also National Margarita day this Saturday, for what it's worth.
What to watch this weekend
Your Houston Roughnecks hit the road for the first time against the Tampa Bay Vipers on Saturday at 1 pm (FOX), and the Rockets will be in action against the Utah Jazz at 8pm (ATT-SW).
But that's not what this weekend is for.
This weekend is about the Deontay Wilder versus Tyson Fury rematch on Saturday (8 pm, ESPN+/FOX PPV). We're dealing with two absolute mammoth human beings in what has been a fairly underwhelming weight class to watch for some time. This is the biggest boxing match of 2020 to date, and last time these two were in the same ring it was a draw.
4 Downs of the Week
I'm switching up the formatting of the Ultimate World Power Rankings of the Week to be a little more on theme. It's simple, we'll get through this together
1st down (a good thing) - JJ Watt ties the knot, boogies with grandmother, stays wholesome.
Best day of my life.
Without question.
❤️💙 pic.twitter.com/hEfQ1N4Bl9
— JJ Watt (@JJWatt) February 16, 2020
Grandma cutting it up on the dance floor!! pic.twitter.com/nDUdsmiFJG
— JJ Watt (@JJWatt) February 16, 2020
That couple is so adorable it's exhausting. Probably the most heartwarming sports-ish news Houston has had in awhile.
2nd Down (An okay thing. Mainly just a thing.) - Brodie and the Beard, swag on max.
On July 16th 2019, a sage mind (me) predicted an unquestionable truth on this site:
"Harden and Westbrook may be in the running for best on-court duo on the league, but they are hands down the most fashion-forward."
-Me
And would you look who made the cover of GQ! The Oukast nod didn't go unnoticed, either. Very nice.
Presenting GQ's March cover stars: @Russwest44 & @JHarden13, the most stylish duo in sports https://t.co/uoRaBnWkD2 pic.twitter.com/URaVDOdFpF
— GQ Magazine (@GQMagazine) February 18, 2020
3rd down (not great) - Astros have a target on their backs, Vegas has an over/under.
Place your bets, Houston. According to an ESPN.com article, Vegas has the odds of Astros batters being plunked at 83.5. Last season teams were hit about 66 times on average, for reference. I wonder what the over/under is for Astros bench clearings?
4th and a mile (Bad) - As if Houston needed another reason to cancel Buffalo Wild Wings
Buffalo Wild Wings found itself in a bit of hot water in the Bayou City earlier this week after someone's twitter fingers got ahead of themselves.
THAT'S how you punish a team that cheats. https://t.co/A0HJYUjc0q
— Buffalo Wild Wings (@BWWings) February 14, 2020
Houston fans didn't take that lying down, and BWW soon tweeted an apology. Then this happened:
Bone Thugs-N-Harmony change name to Boneless Thugs-N-Harmony to sell chicken wings https://t.co/gebgomDLrW
— Entertainment Weekly (@EW) February 20, 2020
I'll see you guys at Pluckers. Forever.
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Josh Allen has never said a bad word about Stefon Diggs. As the Buffalo Bills prepare to face their former star receiver in a visit to Houston on Sunday, he insists the two went their separate ways on good terms.
And the quarterback wasn’t changing his stance a week ago, not wanting to ruffle any feathers when asked about the early season success the Bills have enjoyed with their spread-the-ball motto on offense.
He later explained that he spoke out after reading comments on social media in which people were attempting to twist the “everybody eats” motto into something being directed at Diggs.
Allen understands why Buffalo facing Diggs for the first time since a blockbuster trade sent him to Houston this offseason is a big deal. He raved about his former teammate.
“I’ve got a lot of love for him. I still do,” Allen said. “The things that he did for me in my career, and the things that he did in a Buffalo Bill uniform won’t be forgotten anytime soon, especially from me … (but) going into Year 7, I understand the business, and the aspect of what this league is, and again, I’m just trying to focus on what we got going on in this building.”
Diggs, a four-time Pro Bowler, is second on the Texans with 25 receptions for 233 yards. He has two receiving touchdowns and had the first rushing score of his career last week against the Jaguars. He spent the last four seasons in Buffalo, where he had more than 1,100 yards receiving each year, highlighted by an NFL-leading and career-high 1,535 yards in 2020.
He didn’t address Allen directly this week when talking about his time in Buffalo. Diggs did say his tenure with the Bills was “amazing” but that he’s solely focused on his future now and not interested in rehashing the past.
“A lot of other people are going to feel a way or have a lot to say about X, Y, Z, and I’m not mad at it,” he said Wednesday. “Football is a very emotional sport. I go in there and wear my heart on my sleeve, and I won’t stop, but for me, I block out the noise.”
“Nobody is going to run the routes but me,” he continued. “Nobody is going to watch the tape but me. I try not to get back into the back and forth about the opinions or how people feel. I’ve got a job to do; I try to get it done.”
Diggs has helped the Texans to a 3-1 start and Allen hasn’t missed a beat without him. The Bills also are 3-1, though they’re looking to bounce back after a 35-10 loss to the Ravens last week.
Texans coach DeMeco Ryans certainly knew how talented Diggs was when he arrived in Houston but said he has been pleasantly surprised to see his passion for the game.
“He loves football … you see it in the way he practices, the way he plays the game,” Ryans said. “He loves ball, he plays with effort and that is all you want.”
The blame game
Bills offensive coordinator Joe Brady was still kicking himself for calling a trick play that backfired, squelching any chance of a Buffalo rally in the loss to Baltimore.
After opening the second half with a TD to cut the deficit to 21-10, the Bills faced second-and-7 at the Baltimore 44, when receiver Curtis Samuel took a direct snap and pitched the ball to Allen. The Ravens weren’t fooled and forced a fumble, which led to a TD six plays later.
“I probably can’t say it on Zoom,” Brady said when asked to sum up the call in one word. “There’s no excuses. I can give the justification of why it was on the call sheet, but at the end of the day, the timing was not what it should’ve been and it was costly.”
Nico’s start
While much of the focus this week has been on Diggs facing his former team, the star of Houston’s offense so far this season has been another receiver. Nico Collins had a career-high 12 catches for 151 yards and a touchdown against the Jaguars for his third 100-yard game this season. He leads the NFL with 489 yards receiving and is the first player in franchise history with more than 450 yards receiving though the first four games.
“He’s a strong, physical, fast, and big receiver,” Ryans said. “That’s an easy target for C.J. (Stroud) and Nico has showed up every time that we needed him.”
Feeding Samuel
In the Bills’ “everybody eats” motto on offense, Samuel has had difficulty finding a regular place at the table. The eighth-year player who enjoyed his best season in Carolina under Brady as the Panthers coordinator in 2020 has been limited to eight catches for 48 yards. More curious is Samuel has been on the field for only 68 of a total of 230 offensive snaps.
“We’d love to get him going and whether or not Khalil is in or out this week,” Allen said, referring to receiver Khalil Shakir, who is nursing a right ankle injury. “So we’re going to be calling on his number, and he is going to have to step up, make some plays, which we’ve got no doubt in his ability.”
Update: Shakir has been ruled out (ankle) for Sunday's game.