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The XFL is back. Ask not why but why NOW?
The reboot of the XFL just debuted – the weekend after the Super Bowl. That's like having a sewerage commission election the Tuesday after the presidential election.
They start playing XFL games on the heels of the NFL's grandest game?
That's like going to Paris, Texas right after going to Paris, France.
That's like ordering a New York strip at Sizzler right after ordering the porterhouse at Peter Luger.
That's like visiting the border wall right after visiting the Great Wall of China.
That's like watching 17 years of Jimmy Kimmel right after watching 17 years of Johnny Carson.
(I'll stop now because I think you all get the point and, frankly, I'm even starting to annoy myself.)
How badly do you need to see more football six or seven days after the Kansas City Chiefs rallied to beat the San Francisco 49ers in Super Bowl 54?
And when I say "more football," I mean the XFL, where the 'X' stands for Xtraneous, Xcessive, Xasperating, Xpendable and inXplicable.
We don't need more football.
We certainly don't need year-round football; we don't need year-round anything.
I mean, I'm a big fan of food detox, but there is a big difference between a 14-day cleanse and, say, a 365-day cleanse. Trust me, you'd be cleansed out before the 365-day mark.
The XFL, which fabulously failed during its one-season incarnation in 2001, has returned to prove again that few people want to watch more pro football after the NFL signs off for six months.
The expression is "March showers bring April flowers," not "XFL passes bring spring masses."
Nobody is thinking about RPOs in March and April. It would be as if pro hockey – training camp to Stanley Cup finals – decided to consume 10 months of the calendar.
(Editor's Note: Actually, the NHL already does this. We would have deleted the previous paragraph, but Mr. Chad is contractually obligated to provide us 800 words per week.)
The new XFL consists of eight teams – in seven NFL cities, plus St. Louis -- playing a 10-game schedule.
Out of professional responsibility to Sports Nation, I decided to take in the XFL's opening day. On ABC, it was the Seattle Dragons at the DC Defenders; on Fox, it was my Los Angeles Wildcats – I'm thinking about season tickets, but I figure I can find cheap seats on the secondary market – at the Houston Roughnecks.
This is what I saw and heard:
-- ABC's excitable Steve Levy: "The first carry – everything's a first!"
-- Analyst Greg McElroy: "If you look at Ja'Quan Gardner…probably not a name you recognize." Uh, you think?
-- McElroy was intent on emphasizing that these players were THIS CLOSE to being in the NFL, much as I am THIS CLOSE to writing for the New York Times.
-- With 11:25 left in the first quarter, the crowd chanted, "MVP! MVP!" for Defenders quarterback Cardale Jones. Now, that's funny.
-- Defenders fans, thinking they were at a R*dsk*ns game, started booing the home team early in the second quarter.
-- Fox analyst Joel Klatt never stopped talking. He's still talking right now as you read this.
-- We got to hear the coach or offensive coordinator calling the plays from the sideline, which captivated me almost as much as hearing the pimply kid shout out my order at Wienerschnitzel.
(Memo to the Houston Astros: In the XFL, you don't need to steal signs, you can just listen to the other coach telling you the next play on live TV.)
Anyway, the football was entertaining and many XFL rules changes will be keepers. But for all the bells and whistles, it doesn't alter the inescapable fact that we are not pining for more football the next 75 days.
The XFL is the proverbial tree falling in the forest that no one hears, so does it make a sound?
In this respect, it resembles most Couch Slouch columns – exquisitely written, extraordinarily unread.
Ask the Slouch
Q.Did someone forget to tell Joel Embiid that the Philadelphia 76ers aren't tanking anymore? (Dan Cantwell; Albany, N.Y.)
A. Speaking of which, I guess The Process is complete – the 76ers are now trading away draft picks.
Q.With Bob Knight ending his 20-year split with Indiana, did that give you any thoughts about your first marriage? (Ken Ryan; Huntsville, Ala.)
A. I would have to violate a court order.
Q.Shouldn't fellow Vienna, Va., resident Terry Golden get a bonus – say, an extra 50 cents – for having the most questions answered in your column? (Jan-Peter Ozga, Vienna, Va.)
A. Listen, pal, Mr. Golden has built an addition to his home off of Ask The Slouch winnings.
You want me to INCREASE his windfall? You send him the extra half-buck and I'll sign the card.
Q.Is it true that the NFL will be using the Iowa caucus app to speed up the replay process? (Terry Golden; Vienna, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
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Texans HC DeMeco Ryans reveals what he values most at scouting combine
Feb 28, 2025, 3:51 pm
Now that spring training is officially underway, we're able to make some observations about how the Astros 2025 roster is taking shape.
Houston's starting rotation is basically set, but we got to see Hayden Wesneski make his first start in an Astro uniform. Wesneski pitched two innings against the Mets on Tuesday, allowing one run with three strikeouts.
He's working on a curveball that's a new pitch for his repertoire, and he saw some success with it. Hopefully, adding this pitch will help keep batters off balance (especially left-handed hitters) and help elevate his game. Which is nothing new for the Astros, who have a history of helping pitchers get to the next level.
Forrest Whitley also looked good, pitching a clean inning and finishing off his final hitter with a 97 mph fastball. Whitley finally realizing his potential in the big leagues could be a huge deal for the Astros, as they're looking to lighten the workload for Bryan Abreu and Josh Hader this season.
Hader in particular could benefit from this adjustment, as he was much worse when pitching in non-save situations last season. An easy fix with Hader could be trying to limit his workload to mostly save situations. That way, you get the most out of him and achieve the goal of him pitching less innings this year.
The Houston Chronicle's Matt Kawahara wrote about Hader's struggles pitching when games were tied or Houston was trailing.
“Hader converted 34 of 38 save chances but faced more batters in non-save situations (142) than in save situations (136), a sharp pivot from his previous few seasons. Opponents slugged .271 against him in save situations and .411 in non-save situations, while his ERA was more than two runs higher (4.98) in the latter.”
And while it's easy to say “suck it up, you're getting paid a fortune to pitch,” if he's not having success in those situations, and you're looking to back off his workload, this seems like an obvious way to pivot. He's under contract for another four seasons, so the Astros are right to want to be careful with him.
Astros plate discipline
Manager Joe Espada has made it very clear that he would like his offense to see more pitches this season. And we're seeing a stark difference in the approaches from the newly acquired players (Isaac Paredes, Christian Walker) and Houston's returning hitters.
Keep in mind, Paredes was first in pitches per plate appearance last season, and Walker was 10th.
So it shouldn't come as a surprise that Paredes and Walker both worked a full count in their first at-bats on Tuesday, while Mauricio Dubon, Yainer Diaz, and Chas McCormick swung at every pitch in their first at-bats.
Hopefully the new blood in the clubhouse will rub off on the rest of the Astros lineup, which is full of free swingers, especially with Alex Bregman now playing for Boston.
Which is why we're so excited about Cam Smith's early results. While we're super pumped about his two home runs on Tuesday, we're equally impressed that he walked in his first two at-bats this spring. If anyone would naturally be jumping out of their shoes to make a strong first impression, you would think it's the guy that was traded for Kyle Tucker. But Smith was patient, and he was rewarded for it.
What is Dana Brown saying privately?
Just last offseason, Brown was talking about extending Tucker and Bregman while also signing Hader to a shocking 5-year, $95 million deal. Plus, the team signed Jose Altuve to a whopping $150 million extension. Fast-forward one year and Tucker has been traded, Bregman left in free agency, and Ryan Pressly was dealt in a salary dump. Safe to say, his vision for the ball club has changed drastically in one season. Welcome to baseball economics under Jim Crane!
We're just scratching the surface on everything covered in the video above. Be sure to hit play to watch the full conversation!
The countdown to Opening Day is on. Join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and Charlie Pallilo for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday. Click here to catch!
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