SWEAT LIKE TOM

Tom Brady's gym set to touch down in Houston

Tom Brady's gym set to touch down in Houston
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This article originally appeared on CultureMap.

Houston Texans defensive end J.J. Watt praises the New England Patriots' Tom Brady as the "best quarterback of all time." But you've got to wonder whether Watt — whose squad fell to Tom's team in 2018 and faces them again in December — would dare lift a single weight in the Brady-branded gym that's on tap for Houston.

Brady's lifestyle and fitness brand, TB12, just debuted a flagship gym in Boston. It's the second gym to open under the TB12 banner; the first one is in Foxboro, Massachusetts, where the Patriots play their home games.

TB12 (Brady's initials and jersey number) isn't stopping there, though. It's got its sights set on establishing locations in Los Angeles and New York City in 2020, with subsequent gyms planned for Houston, Chicago, London, Miami, San Francisco, and Toronto, Men's Health magazine reports.

John Burns, CEO of TB12, says in a recent release that the Boston flagship gym "marks an important step in our plans for national expansion of our training center business." In March, the Boston Globe quoted Burns as saying that TB12 intends to roll out 10 to 12 more gyms over the next few years.

The release explains that TB12 "advocates a holistic approach to overall health and athletic performance," with Brady — a six-time Super Bowl champ — serving as the inspiration. This approach centers on "preparation, performance, and recovery."

Representatives of TB12 couldn't be reached for comment.

Continue on CultureMap to find out what the Houston location may offer.

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Jose Abreu is chasing history, but not in a good way. Photo by Brandon Vallance/Getty Images.

I left for vacation on April 14. Came back home on April 24. Eleven days in England and Germany.

Astros first baseman Jose Abreu went 0 for my vacation.

The last time Abreu reached base via a real-life hit was April 13 when he got two hits (fully half of his season total) and his batting average soared to a robust .122.

Since then, while I was dining on shepherd’s pie and schnitzel, Abreu has gone hitless in 21 at bats and his batting average has plunged to a squinty .065.

There’s an expression in baseball when a player is having a horrible, dreadful season: “He ain’t hitting his weight.”

Abreu ain’t hitting his uniform number. If you’re keeping score at home, Abreu weighs 250 pounds and wears number 79.

Abreu is chasing history. The record for suckiest single-season batting average for a player with enough plate appearances (502) to qualify for the batting title is held by former Orioles slugger Chris Davis.

In 2018, Davis batted .168. Despite being in the middle of a wildly overpaid 7-year, $161 million contract, the Orioles essentially fired Davis and his career was over in 2020.

Abreu is in the middle year of a guaranteed 3-year, $58.5 million, money down the toilet contract. Will he be an Astro next year when owner Jim Crane chokes on signing yet another $19.5 million paycheck for Abreu? Unlikely.

Other modern era batters have turned in disastrous single-season averages. Dan Uggla batted an unattractive .179 for the Braves in 2013. Rob Deer was a deer in the headlights swatting .179 for the Tigers in 1991.

Abreu is turning futility into an art form. If he continues his .065 pace he will obliterate every record for crummiest season in baseball history.

He has appeared in 19 games and has 4 hits in 62 at bats, with no home runs and one measly RBI. He had his latest oh-fer Tuesday night against the Cubs.

Fans are clamoring for Astros manager Joe Espada to open his eyes, stop looking at the back of Abreu’s baseball and bench the flailing, failing first baseman.

I say the opposite. In fact move him back to fifth in the batting order. If Abreu stays focused on doing what he does best this season - striking out with runners in scoring position - fans can witness the worst batting stats anybody’s ever had.

Oh, by the way, Abreu is a horrible fielding first baseman. We don’t know if he’s a good base runner. He’d have to get on base for us to tell.

Abreu is on pace to get 502 plate appearances. So this counts.

There actually is a player who’s having worse time at the plate than Abreu., though.

Abreu’s meager stats look positively Ruthian compared to what former Astro catcher Martin Maldonado is putting up for the White Sox. Maldy has 2 hits in 42 at bats for a subterranean .048 batting average with no homers and no RBI in 15 games. Maldonado won’t get to 502 plate appearances, however.

Who will end 2024 with a lower batting average: Abreu or Maldonado? This epic battle could go down to the final game of the season.

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